Shai Shalev ’05

Posted on August 9, 2024

“The whole of Israeli society is involved in this.”

Challenges Adjusting

Returning home after combat is very, very complex. The tension with a partner or with parents increases, children are unsettled, and you need a moment to gather the pieces and get back into a routine. You don’t always encounter the complexity right away. There are challenges you face two or three months later, and I’m sure there will be challenges that we will face in two or three years or more. At home, many families face a lot of tension. With all the support, understanding, and good intentions, it’s not easy. Some people had a very difficult time and needed more attention and support when they came home. We had been in Be’eri the day after the massacre, and witnessed all the horrors that, fortunately, most people saw through screens rather than with their own eyes. Later, in an ambush in Khan Yunis, we lost one of our officers, Lior Sivan, who was killed by an explosive device. And then months of daily, intense combat. And in the field, there’s no time to process or recover. You continue moving forward and push it all aside to deal with another time.

Between the Home Front and the Frontline

When you are in combat, you can’t understand what’s happening back home, on the home front. Since I returned home, I’ve experienced a bit of the anxiety and concern that were felt at home. But I can’t truly understand what it’s like. Because for someone who is in combat, in some ways, it’s simpler. They know when they are actually in danger, they know what’s really happening; they are in “real time.” The home front is an extremely anxious place. The ambiguity and lack of information are very overwhelming. You suddenly hear that people are being killed, and it’s without context. So yes, there is something simpler about being in combat. On the other hand, explaining what it’s like to be in combat… people don’t always want to hear it. Not out of disinterest, but because sometimes it’s too difficult. For me, meeting with my parents after returning home was not easy. Suddenly talking about what happened and realizing, “Wow… you were in real danger.” When Lior was killed in that ambush, for example, it was a wake-up call for many of our families. Because we all projected calm, saying, “Okay, we’re on a mission, but we’re relatively behind the lines;” and then suddenly it became very real.

The Clock is Ticking

Since I returned home, up until about a month ago, I’ve pretty much been in a routine at home. Spending time with family, going to social gatherings with the battalion, marking Memorial Day – the first time it felt so personal. Then, a month ago, we were informed that we need to return in August, even though our original date was October. Just as we were adjusting, returning to work, returning to your life… Suddenly you’re shifting into high gear and living with a sort of timer. On October 7th, we disappeared, we just left everything and went. Now we’re trying to take a moment to organize things – fix the air conditioner, handle bureaucracy, take care of the house. In my case, I need to arrange for a dishwasher in the kitchen and potty train the little one. Without that, Avital will kill me. It’s that tension, tying up loose ends, and also arriving emotionally prepared.

Ripples

The prices we are paying for this war… we are only at the beginning. The struggles of the families – of the fallen, of the wounded – are enormous. People are already in a daily struggle. And what I want to say is – there is enough to go around. Even those who aren’t sure where they fit in, what they have or haven’t given. The aftermath of the war will continue to haunt us for years to come. And the ripples touch everything. But our rallying as a society, despite all these prices, and the ability to look ahead and say ‘we are ready,’ gives an incredible amount of strength. The whole of Israeli society is involved in this. True, there are people like me who are at the front line with their finger on the trigger, but I really feel that the families play their part in the war effort. It’s also at the neighborhood level, with families helping each other. It’s the daily life of Israeli society. It’s hard, but as a commander, I get a lot of strength from it. And as a citizen, a lot of hope.